31-Day Assertive Communication Challenge

The five socio-economic factors that influence a persons chances of poverty include their: occupation, education, income, wealth and where someone resides.

I was homeless twice. In 2013 and 2016 ( as a new mom with a then 1 year old son). Living in the family shelter was beyond soul-crushing. I kept being told by my counselor that I won't be homeless for long because of my assertive communication, deep understanding of my needs/choices, and high knowledge of resource availability.

Using assertive communication helped me get ahead of the "system" because I sat down with myself and wrote out my needs and asks not only of myself but of others too!

Ask for help from a trusted person when you need help asserting yourself to get your needs met! Don't passively sit back or push people away because of aggression.

Why passive communication is for the lost ones...

I care about you communicating your needs confidently because it means you are understanding your feelings, you'll earn respect from others, gain more job satisfaction and gain more honest relationships within your life.

Passive communication is the least helpful communication style and looks like this:

- Sloughed body posture

- You look off to the side instead of at the person while talking

- Filler words are apart of your everyday language: "um", "kind of", "maybe"

- You complain about people behind their backs instead of confronting them

- You don't know why you feel bad or guilty

- You say "sorry" at the time when it's not needed

- Putting yourself down like "You know I don't know anything..I'm so stupid"

- You ramble on and don't get to the point

- You believe it's rude and/or selfish to demand your needs

- Worry about upsetting others if you say "no"

- The feeling of embarrassment may arise if you say what's on your mind

- If someone says "no:" to your ask... then you assume they don't like you anymore

What are the benefits of being passive though?

- In the short-term, conflict is dodged or postponed

- You anxiety is eased for a little while

- People praise you for your selflessness

- Peers are more keen to stand up for you

- Blame is rarely put on you because you barely contributed to the situation overall

On the flipside though, not everything is lollipops and roses. Others will definitely see you as a target and take advantage of you. As you've created this good hearted persona that people become accustomed to, so any anger seems "unlike you".

In the end this creates an internal sadness because you weren't able to express your true range of feelings/emotions. Which impacts a lost ones self-esteem.

Why aggressive communication is used by the ignorant...

You see aggressive communication tend to look like:

- Always yelling

- You speak through folded arms

- You enter people's personal space

- There's a tendency to lean forward/over others

- You argue and debate trying to get others to agree with your points only

- There's use of regular put downs towards others

- You think and act like your thoughts are facts

What are the benefits of being aggressive though?

- One may feel powerful and in control

- Things usually go your way

- You release your tension

- Your peers are not going to mess with you

Aggressive communication may make one feel on top of the world but they don't realize that others are resentful towards them. After the fact you might even feel shame or guilty because of your actions.

Healthy and positive relationships will not be achievable with this communication type, which leads to more tension and less ability to relax.

I have a 31-day challenge that you may use to assert yourself in life to create more win-win situations at the beginning of this post. The daily challenges will help you to use your voice and speak up to meet your needs!